FACEBOOK FAIL: 7 Things You Do That Bug Your Facebook Friends
Photo by Bryan Veloso.
As e-mail started to become more popular in the early 00s, I began to use it when a far more intrusive phone call was not necessary. But e-mail and other forms of online communication have become integrated into life. Today, these are officially intrusive and merit the same amount of consideration that we give to phone calls: is this worth calling about? Is it relevant to the person I’m calling? Might the person I’m calling be busy? Might they find this offensive?
Now, I run on notifications because if I have no room in my inbox, I have even less in my brain. I need to be told to check my social network profiles or I will forget all about them. This works well for me as most social networks are rather limited in the range of notifications they send out.
Except Facebook, of course. Oh, the great universe of Facebook. So many things to do to your friends, colleagues and acquaintances and so little time. This is my list of the top seven notifications that give me nosebleeds:
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A Person You Don’t Know added you as a friend on Facebook…
As Facebook becomes more like Twitter, the role of lists in managing friends is becoming more and more important. A brief reminder of how we know each other helps me know where to place you. But the introduction is more than just a practical thing: would you show up at my house, ring my doorbell and just stand there?
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An Acquaintance sent a request using Are you a BITCH??: Are you a BITCH??! Answer a few questions and find out – it’s that easy!
I might be amused by such a request if it happens to stumble in while I am on vacation and my inbox is totally devoid of any other messages. This has never happened, of course, and probably never will. Sending an invite to someone you hardly know and asking them to take a quiz or fight with your zombie or join your mafia gang or whatever in the middle of what could be a busy day is not only not fun, it’s annoying.
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A Colleague sent a request using Causes: A Colleague wants you to join them in the fight against animal cruelty!
Facebook is all about expressing ourselves and our beliefs—I have no problem with that. But invitations to join causes should be considered carefully. Simply, don’t send your atheist friend an invite to bring prayer back to schools or invite the one colleague wearing a fur coat on your friends list to join the fight against animal cruelty. If your beliefs are worth possibly offending someone over, you might need to reconsider whether you should remain Facebook friends.
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A Friend commented on your status… (x25)
It’s 6:26AM and a fight has broken out on your wall among two friends of yours who don’t know one another, in response to a status message you posted the previous night about how much you disagree with, say, something the Obama Administration has done. When you wake up, there are 25 notifications announcing this exchange alone, with each response getting less and less civil as the discussion progresses.
I consider my Facebook profile an extension of my home. I don’t take kindly to friends screaming obscenities at one another in my parlor, nor will I entertain this kind of behavior on my wall or any other space on my profile. If you can’t keep your head on straight while arguing a point, you’re not only embarrassing yourself and disrespecting my other friend, you’re also embarrassing and disrespecting me.
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A Friend invited you to HUGE RAGER!, tonight at 10:00pm… in Ibiza.
Even if I had a PJ at my disposal, which I currently don’t, sadly, not least of all because I live in a country with a collapsing economy, giving someone no time to schedule is causing them undue stress—especially if it’s an event they wish to attend. Invitations to any event that require travel should be sent at least six weeks in advance. I perceive the amount of advance notice you give me to be in direct correlation to your desire to see me at the event. The more time you give me, the better I can plan to attend. The less time you give me, the more I feel like an afterthought.
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A Friend tagged you in a note on Facebook…
I’ve been tagged in a note! I go look at it and find… it has nothing to do with me at all. If it has an explanation, it goes something like this: “While cleaning my closet, I found this old story I wrote when I was still in college in the pocket of an old coat!” Seriously? Please get a Tumblr so I can ignore your failed attempts at literature along with all my other friends’.
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A Friend wrote on your Wall…
A friend has written on my wall—for the tenth time today! Look, I love that we’re connected, too, but wall posts are for occasional greetings and comments, not a substitute for IM. There is a reason I am never logged in to Facebook chat: I don’t have time.
I think the sooner we realize that everything we do on social networks has the potential to intrude or otherwise inconvenience someone, we’ll be better equipped to develop meaningful, and long-lasting connections with others.
What are some of the things that bug you on Facebook?
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April 8th, 2009 at 10:07 am
I loved this; what a fabulous (and accurate!) assessment of the annoyances that are specific to the Facebook platform. My only addition to your list may be an extension of your first item, but for what it’s worth: the random person whom you don’t know who continues persistently to send you friend requests…although you choose to ignore every single request. Highly irritating, I must say.
OMG, Atherton Bartelbys last blog post: Bartelby Goes Scallywag
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April 8th, 2009 at 10:10 am
It’s particularly annoying when I have friends who link their Twitter accounts to their Facebook status, thus clogging up my news feed with @replies from Twitter that are absolutely meaningless to me.. I’m all for integrating social networking – so long as it’s done correctly.
About event invites.. couldn’t agree more. And I just received an invite to Pacha Ibiza this morning, strangely enough – for a set this week end. Awesome. :-/
OMG, Eric Ludzenskis last blog post: ericludzenski: The sunlight softens the wax.. http://twitpic.com/300nd
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April 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Great post!
Facebook was great platform for coordinating events & managing groups, but that’s gotten exponentially more difficult with all the invite/message spam that’s devolved. More and more, I notice people checking their FB messages much less frequently. I’m starting to become one of them.
Btw, I can’t wait to pick a fight with Atherton in your next status comment
OMG, Michael Pillas last blog post: michaelpilla: RT @mattcutts: Today’s webmaster video: Does Google Analytics work w/ Web 2.0 & social media? http://bit.ly/UH9j Me: Very timely topic
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Atherton Bartelby Reply:
April 8th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
A fight, kind sir?! Color me intrigued!
OMG, Atherton Bartelbys last blog post: Bartelby Goes Scallywag
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April 8th, 2009 at 10:40 am
As a rule I decline all requests because I want to see what it is before I join (and give my friend list) – impossible in the Facebook world. Causes I find somewhat intrusive and I will reply back with: Sorry I am in a tight spot at the moment but good luck with your walk/run/holding your breath etc
On the other hand, the Facebook groups I join I get no notice whatsoever when someone posts something new in those group.
In short, I have not fully ‘got’ Facebook yet.
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April 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Good article. Sorry for trying to be your friend on Facebook. Wish I read this article before sending the friend request.
OMG, Lordewoks (Dave)s last blog post: Is Google gearing up to wage war on Facebook and Myspace?
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April 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Definitely the causes and the stupid game invites don’t make my day, but it’s the I already ignored your friend request and you’re asking me again that really annoys.
OMG, lizrizs last blog post: But When Do You Do It? 7 Ways to Find Time to Blog and Social Network.
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April 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Pillow fights, virtual mixed drinks, small amoebas, flowers, angels and various other things I hit IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE as soon as I see are THE most annoying thing about Facebook.
OMG, Redneck Divas last blog post: And we want this, why?
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April 8th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I’m an equal opportunity ignorer… I ignore all requests (except friend requests from someone I know), causes, groups (unless I know them/alumni, etc…) and game/quiz, etc. requests…
Then I don’t even have to apply any logic or accept guilt or come up with an excuse…
DONE!
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April 8th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Well done sir. Better use of “Friend Lists” can alleviate some of the unwanted application spam. It certainly helps when posting things that you only want close friends or family to see.
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April 8th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Anaiis – apologies and thanks for the great post. I thought that Atherton B had posted this.
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April 8th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I REALLY wish people on my list would manage their invites better. It’s one thing to be invited to an event on the other side of the country or overseas, it’s another thing to be invited to such things on a weekly basis.
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April 8th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I can understand all of the points brought up in this article, but alot of the ‘issues’ can be simply solved by creating a separate email for your facebook account and another for your work.
Facebook is only as intrusive into your life as you let it be.
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April 9th, 2009 at 2:19 am
Facebook is like an excursion to the mall. Most of the time one ignores the obscene mall behavior one is apt to find from time to time and then once one in a while one comes along the perfect must have.
Complaining that the mall is full of pedestrians belies the fact why you first chose to visit the mall. When i want peace and quiet and as little intrusion as possible I turn off phone, computer and sit and look at the big green trees outside my window.
I’m afraid the author of this article is being a little presumptuous, but that’s fine. One is inclined to find all sorts of behavior at the mall.
OMG, scallywags last blog post: Gen Art Finale at the BLVD, that and a celebrity cluster.
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April 9th, 2009 at 3:15 am
OMG, I seriously hate the wall fights! Worse still, when I tag people for certain, civilized, discussions and they start off by attacking me and slinging names! WTF?! I agree with your assessment, that you don’t accept people screaming in your parlor, so why put up with it on teh Intersnets?
OMG, Lauras last blog post: My embarrassing workout playlist
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April 9th, 2009 at 8:03 am
I have totally gotten into a wall fight…on my own wall
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April 10th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
[...] 7 facebook things you do that bug your friends [...]
April 11th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Actually, *I* would just show up on your doorstep and ring the bell. But I would not just stand there if it’s any consolation. But not in a creepy guy from the internet way, more like a creepy Mormon or Census taker kind of way.
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April 27th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
[...] As my friend AV Flox put it in her blog entry “Facebook Fail: 7 Things You Do That Bug Your Facebook Friends“: “I consider my Facebook profile an extension of my home. I don’t take kindly to [...]
May 10th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
It bugs me when people send me a “beer” or a “hug” or a “gift” using Facebook. I’m sorry, but none of those things are real. If you want to send me a gift, I am all over the internet elsewhere, and totally find-able. I am also available to accept free drinks IRL on Tuesday evenings. Hmm, maybe I’d better make that known on my Facebook page.
OMG, KTPs last blog post: A Whrrl Poem
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AV Flox Reply:
May 13th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
You know, KTP, it’s funny, but even after this blog post I am still having all these things occur to me–with even MORE frequency. Where before it merely annoyed me, now I actually get nosebleeds over it!
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May 16th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
“I think the sooner we realize that everything we do on social networks has the potential to intrude or otherwise inconvenience someone, we’ll be better equipped to develop meaningful, and long-lasting connections with others.” Brava!
But *have* you spent much time with young plebeians *offline*? They do not anymore care about intruding upon or otherwise inconveniencing others in their houses than in cyberspace.
Yet a queen of internet etiquette is badly wanted, lest anybody *should* desire to bend to her rule. Accept the crown!
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May 16th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Ah and I’ve an observation of my own to offer: My wife referred to our new marriage in a Facebook status — “We are so happy” or something of that perfectly-boilerplate sort. Yet this some of the Philistines took not as an opportunity to murmur something appositely pleasant but as a challenge to mount theological theses — she having married outside her family’s religion. Ten-paragraph stridencies emitted from tens of Fundamentalist “friends”.
Grassroots religions are themselves faux pas.
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AV Flox Reply:
May 18th, 2009 at 5:43 am
I think it terrible form to see such an announcement as an opening for any kind of an argument–especially a topic as fragile as her family’s religion. I regret you had to deal with it on such a happy occasion.
Having said this: congratulations!
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