I know asking someone out is scary, but men really have to quit using the pretext of business to get a woman to have lunch with them.

1. You and 6,302 People

I work from home, which basically means I don’t have the luxury of leaving work at the office. The workweek for me is seven days long – the only difference is that on some days, the post office and bank don’t work. In order to ensure against having no life and dying a miserable career death due to burnout, I divide my engagements into two categories: business and social.

Because so much of my business time is devoted to content creation and managing blogs, unless what you’re doing is directly related to what I do, I’m not going to be inclined to meet you. It’s not that you’re not amazing, I’m sure you are. There are just hundreds of people doing sex research and writing books on relationships that I’m going to want to do lunch with first.

Though, for the record, allow me to say that it’s far more likely that I’ll interview these people over the phone or e-mail than actually meet them in person.

Oh, I don’t think I need to mention this, but “let’s meet to talk about sex,” is not a loophole into my day-planner. If I had a penny for every time a man said that to me, I’d be able to fish this country out of debt, buy it, and then have you removed to Guantanamo for immediate waterboaring. I am so serious, that I’d go as far as to strongly recommend you don’t even joke about this to me. Unless you want to elicit an eyeroll and my immediate disdain, of course, in which case, by all means feel free.

2. Bait Me

My experience in a corporate environment has taught me that nine times out of 10, meetings are totally pointless. I must be baited, and since this is not a social situation, your winning personality won’t register as bait. Incentivize me.

And by that I don’t mean some nebulous “let’s meet to talk about how maybe we can [insert idea you can't or aren't really willing to make happen].” I mean “let’s meet and talk about [thing] so I can get started on [concrete things to mobilize aforementioned thing].” If that statement implies we’ve already spoken before, you’re half right.

Due to time constraints, I probably won’t be doing much (or, more likely, any) talking with you on the phone. A successful business meeting will come to pass after we’ve exchanged a few e-mails. These e-mails will not be “hi, how are you? My name is so and so and [insert entire CV] and I was thinking we could maybe talk about some opportunities together.” They will be relevant and concise: “You: sex blogger. Me: [profession]. I am working on [project] and I think it would be mutually beneficial if you participated by [activity].”

That’s all you need. Amazing, isn’t it? You don’t even have to tell me why it’s beneficial! Like obscenity, I will know beneficial when I see it.

3. It’s Money, Honey

If there is no relevance and no real incentive and especially if you have the audacity to use the words “pick your brain,” you better be willing to pay me.

I know you’re sitting there thinking “who the hell does she think she is”? I’ll help you out. I’m AV Flox and if you want to meet with me to pick my brain, it must be because you find my ideas valuable. Guess what valuable means? That’s right. That it has worth. And guess what? You’re paying. And when I say you’re paying, I don’t mean for dinner (though if you asked, you will be paying for that, too). I mean you’re paying for the value of my brain, which I have set at a starting rate of $2,000, in full and up front.

Nothing personal, baby. Business is business.

pass it on!

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